Bumpaholic? Not me.

I’ve decided I’m not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I have a friend who recently confessed she wished she could be pregnant for 2 years, she loves it so much. Another lady in church said she wished she could just be pregnant again, not have a baby, she loved feeling pregnant. I read an article months ago (before I was pregnant) about bumpaholics and figured I would be one, since I wanted a baby so bad and we’d been trying for so long. Nope. Didn't happen. It's not that I've had an awful pregnancy; it's been pretty mild compared to some. I had nausea for about 5 weeks of my first trimester, only puked a few times. I don’t have raging hormones, nor do I feel super fantastic. I just feel…normal. Don’t misunderstand, I’m so thankful we are having our little miracle and I love feeling our baby girl move, I just don’t have that “high” or feeling of empowerment I’d read so much about before I got pregnant. I feel guilty. Shouldn’t I feel something extra special, especially since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant?

The last few weeks I’ve had a nagging worry, my nails are torn to the quick to prove it. What if I don’t feel that bond a new mother feels when her child is first placed in her arms? I thought I would feel that bond already, while carrying my child, but I don’t. I feel detached, without much desire to talk or sing to my baby. People ask if I spend time talking or reading to her and I never know what to say. I don’t want to respond “no,” they might think I’m a heartless mother. Is this normal? Did you feel this when you were pregnant? I had all these expectations of what it would feel like to be pregnant and I don’t feel any different.

I am excited, however, about meeting our daughter, amidst the worry.

Oh, What’s In a Name?

I’ve seriously been reconsidering naming our baby Rosetta. I’ve been set on the name ever since I saw it on my great grandmother’s head stone (a little creepy maybe?). What a pretty and unique name. It’s perfect, except… “What are you naming your daughter?” “Rosetta.” “Oh, like Rosetta Stone” (said with a twinkle in their eye.). Sigh. “No, like my great grandmother’s name,” I respond, silently thinking (for the 100th time.) I know it’s not a big deal. Rosetta Stone doesn’t have bad connotations; people think they’re being clever. But after hearing it dozens of times, it gets pretty old. Honestly, it makes me kind of mad. It’s not their fault they associate the name with a language learning company. I think it distresses me because my whole life people have confused my name with “Christina.” There’s nothing wrong with the name “Christina,” it’s just not my name. I don’t want my daughter growing up feeling upset when people joke about her name or resentful about our choice of her given name, even though it’s such a pretty name. (FYI, I love my name, I'm not resentful of it, I'm just driven mad when people insist on reading "Christiana" as "Christina".) My inclination is to switch it to her middle name, since it is a family name. I suppose this is why people don’t tell people what they are naming their unborn child, in case they change their mind. What I had picked out for a middle name (I say “I” because Jeremy’s hasn’t given his approval yet) we could switch to her first name. It has more spiritual significance and it’s still unique. I shouldn’t tell you what it is, in case I change my mind. Oh well, who cares. Eliana. I found it while searching for Biblical names online. Eliana is Hebrew for “God has responded/answered.” Given our difficulties conceiving, there couldn’t be a more appropriate name. We prayed for a child, many others prayed for us. Although we did do IVF, I firmly believe prayers were what made the first IVF cycle a success. Our child will be dedicated to God, why not honor Him with her name as well. Jeremy is pretty easy going, so I think if I make up my mind to change her name to Eliana he’ll probably agree.

Growing!

(The above picture is profile of Rosetta at 18 weeks)

I just looked at my last post and realized it’s been a month and a half since an update! So much has happened. We’ve had two OB visits, everything is fine. My doctor has commented on my weight gain, but not negatively, just that I’m gaining. He says I’m boring, because everything is going like it should. Needless to say, I’m glad I’m a boring patient. I am now 22 weeks and 2 days, so over half way! I can’t believe how fast, and yet how slow, it’s going. I wrote last time about feeling Rosetta move; the movements have been getting stronger and sometimes a bit painful. She’ll occasionally hit my bladder and that brings a sharp pain. Jeremy had been anticipating when he would feel the baby move and at week 21 he felt her move. I spent the evening asking, “There, did you feel her?” to which he responded, “no.” I was disappointed for him and kept saying little prayers that Rosetta would kick hard enough for him to feel. A little while later I felt her kick as well as saw my stomach move; I called Jeremy over and placed his had on the spot. Sure enough, he felt her move! I love the little bahbloops. I can tell she has a sleeping pattern going on. There are certain times of the day where she is active and other times I feel nothing.

My weekly e-mail updates from The Bump state that during this month of pregnancy, which I think is 6th month; our baby is about the size of a papaya and weighing in around a pound. She’s growing and so am I. I was so proud of myself on my weight gain, at week 20 I had gained 13 pounds which seemed good at the half way point. Then I weighed myself this week and I had gained 4 pounds in one week! Yikes! We ate out a lot which could account for some of it. Mom thinks it might be water weight from eating out and getting extra sodium. I’m being extra careful this week, lots of fruit, low fat dairy and lean meat.

I haven’t had any strange cravings, and thankfully none for chocolate or sweets. My gag reflex is still very sensitive and this week for some reason I’ve had some nausea again. It feels different than before; it will come on suddenly and then be gone a few moments later. On the whole though, I feel really good. When my back aches or my heartburn acts up I remind myself how blessed I am and that its worth it!

The Pregnancy Catastrophe!

My pregnancy catastrophe; I am calling it the sneeze n’ pee. I didn’t think these sort of things happened until later, but I guess I was wrong. Who thought that once you were pregnant you would have to be stocked up on panty-liners. I think I will start carrying a little emergency pack in my purse.

Tuesday marked 16 weeks and I’m pretty sure I felt some movement. I know it wasn’t gas or a muscle twitch; although it didn’t feel like I’ve heard it described, fluttering. I can only describe it as a bahbloop feeling, kind of like a frog jumping off the inside of my stomach. I was lying on the couch, praying that God would relieve my terrible headache and there it was; the bahbloop. I texted Jeremy right away, I was so excited! Jeremy now calls Rosetta his little bahbloop, how cute!

I’ve read that the best position to sleep is on your side, especially the left side (it helps blood flow). No problem! I’ve been a side sleeper for a long time; that is, until recently. Sleeping on your back can restrict blood flow throughout your body and blood getting to the baby, so it’s important to avoid lying on your back. I’ve never been a back sleeper; it’s always been uncomfortable, causing my tongue to fall back in my throat and me to snore. Guess who now thinks back sleeping is the most comfortable position. You guessed it. Me. It’s like how that piece of candy you’re not supposed to have looks so delicious. Because I’m not supposed to sleep on my back, it’s the most appealing position for nighttime snoozing. I’m going to get a body pillow. Rumor has it a body pillow makes sleeping on your side much more comfortable.

Rosetta is now the size of an avocado! An avocado! She’s getting big. My belly is definitely sticking out more (thank you cousin Stephanie for loaning me your maternity clothes) and I’ve been “faithfully” gaining about a pound a week. This is getting more and more exciting. I’m glad I’m showing a bit now. We are meeting up with my parents and sister, and her husband, for vacation in June and it’ll be fun to have a little belly. Sometimes I just feel fat, but Jeremy is consistent in telling me I look beautiful. He loves to give me a hug and say he’s giving his two best girls a hug. Who ever thought Jeremy could be such a softie! I can’t wait to see what he’s like once Rosetta is here.

Our next OB appointment is June 5. At that point I think I will be scheduling my 18-20 week ultra sound. I’m looking forward to seeing how much Rosetta has grown and changed. I’ve read about all the changes she’s going through, beginning to make facial expressions, growing hair and nails, her bones are hardening too. It’s amazing how quickly she’s grown from a tiny 6 cell embryo.

We're having a...

I was caught off guard by a terrible cold, sorry for the delay in this post. We had our appointment last Thursday, and everything looks perfect! I got the results back Monday, on a blood test and everything came back negative for birth defects. Our next appointment with our OB is this Friday. I think it's just a regular check up, to make sure everything is progressing like it should. I'm feeling much better and am so proud of myself, I planned this week's menu and have been able to do some cooking. I'm sure Jeremy is silently celebrating, although he never complained at the lack of home cooked meals.

Oh, we are having a girl! I think most readers are on facebook and saw the announcement there. We are naming her Rosetta; we haven't decided on a middle name yet. I decided way back before college (and before I met Jeremy) that if I ever had a girl I would name her Rosetta. It was my great grandmother's name and I've always liked it. Luckily Jeremy likes it too; his grandmother's name was Rosalie and my sister-in-law's middle name is Rose. There is a possibility of error (although they are 99% sure she's a girl), since I'm only 13 weeks, needless to say we won't be purchasing any pink or purple until Rosetta is confirmed a girl at 20 weeks. I was worried I'd feel disappointed if we were having a girl first, instead of a boy; but I don't think it's possible to feel anything buy joy when you see your tiny baby. Jeremy and I talked about it afterwards, both of us are overjoyed about having a girl. There's no way even an inkling of disappointment could creep in. When the baby is part of you...sigh. I can't even explain it. We are excited! Jeremy is already imagining how he can torture the boys our daughter will bring home.

It's sure nice to be able to call our baby by name.:)

The Belly Rub

I meant to write yesterday to commemorate the end of my first trimester, but time got away from me. Today I am now 12 weeks and 1 day and it's with a sigh of relief I greet the second trimester. The chances of miscarriage have dramatically decreased, those niggling fears can finally be put to rest...maybe. :) I still feel some nausea, but it has lessened, thankfully.

Our next milestone is finding out the gender of CJ, which probably will be tomorrow, Thursday. We are going in for a test, Nuchal Translucency. This is a test done by ultra sound, and they can give us an idea on the baby's gender. It's not 100% accurate because the genitals have not fully developed; needless to say I will not start buying blue or pink until the gender is confirmed at 20 weeks. :) For those who are wondering what the nuchal translucency test is:

"This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your healthcare practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems.

The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average." (babycenter.com)

I've always wondered why pregnant ladies rub their bellies; the reasons are probably different for everyone but I've started to think about it more as I find myself doing the belly rub. For me its an intimacy thing; it's the closest I can get to touching my baby. Maybe it's part of the bonding process. My reasons may change later, but for now, it's "hey baby, I know you're in there, I can't feel you or see you, but I love you."

One last thing. At our appointment tomorrow, we should be getting a 3D ultra sound, make sure to check back so you can see our cutie-patootie. ;)

Fingernails!

All sorts of plans are forming in my head. What colors should we paint the nursery for a boy or girl; what decorations, how to get the best deals on furniture and other baby necessities, etc. My most recent idea for decorating is Teddy Bears, for a while I wanted a Peter Rabbit theme (Beatrix Potter) but I think I like the teddy bear idea better. I ordered the cutest bear yesterday, the first thing I’ve bought for the baby. It’s a bear designed by the artist by Jim Shore, with Noah Ark on the belly. Amazon said it was the last one they had so of course I had to order it right away!

We decided on names for a boy or girl before we even became pregnant, Samuel or Rosetta but middle names are still up in the air.

We had our first OB appointment this past Friday. The doctor was recommended by a friend from church and we really liked him. He’s funny and creates a relaxing environment. A few things I liked,the doctors at the practice don’t share patients, which means my OB, Dr. Newman, will most likely be delivering my baby; he does 95% of his patients’ deliveries. Dr. Newman also made it clear he doesn’t do terminations; I had been hoping to find a doctor who didn’t. We didn’t hear the heart beat, but we did get a new ultra sound picture. Oh! We also got to see baby CJ move! It was incredible and made it all seem more real. Dr. Newman also informed us that because CJ is the appropriate size and has a good heartbeat, our risk of miscarriage is about %1, even though I’m still in the first trimester. You can imagine what a relief it was to hear that; I’d been counting down the weeks to the end of the first trimester (2 to go!)

I get e-mail updates every week about the baby and the new growth and development. As of yesterday I am 10 weeks. CJ’s ears are developed so he can hear my voice; he's about the size of a shrimp, or a thumb, with the head being more than half the body size. The baby is even growing finger nails; can you believe it! So small yet already getting fingernails! God’s meticulous attention to detail is astounding.

The past few days have been really good for me, my morning sickness seems to be abating (yippee!), but I am still very fatigued. I usually start falling asleep on the couch around 8:30 at night. I had been determined to enjoy ever aspect of pregnancy, but honestly, morning sickness cannot be enjoyed. Women seem to enjoy sharing their stories of morning sickness, how long it lasted, “I had morning sickness the whole pregnancy,” or “I was so sick the first 7 months.” I smile politely but think, “please don’t tell me that, I can’t imagine being sick for that long.” However, despite the ickiness, God has blessed us immensely and I try hard to not complain (too loudly) :).