A Dream Come True

Who knew it would be such a thrill to watch a baby grow. You know, that jolt of excitement that comes when your baby learns something new. It's laughable how such a small thing, like grasping at a rattle can bring congratulatory cheers from proud parents. I took Developmental Psych in college, but nothing prepared me for how fun change can be! I love my little girl and look forward to each day and what new thing she may do, or new sound she might make.

Today we celebrate 3 months outside the womb. I can't believe it! When I was pregnant I dreaded this milestone because I knew the date to start back at work would be looming close. We, however, have decided that the best thing for Eliana is for me to stay at home with her! I'm so glad Jeremy is supportive of this and willing to work the extra hours to make it happen. He's such a wonderful husband! I dreamed, since high school, of being a stay at home mom, never really believing it would happen.

We've crunched the numbers and know this will be difficult, but the benefits outweigh the sacrifices. We are switching to cloth diapers, cutting back on entertainment and strategizing on ways to cut back on other costs. I'm thinking about planting a garden! We are trusting God for the rest.

Two nights ago we woke up to our heater emitting a bad odor and smelled our doom. A new unit would cost us thousands we don't have. A man from our church came out and spent most the day up on our roof fixing what he could (we are so blessed to have a wonderful church family). It did cost us some, but nothing to what it could have. He says we have maybe a year left before we have to buy a new air conditioner/heater (so we have a little time to plan.) We were anxious over the cost of the repairs, but as Jeremy worked on our taxes he realized we would be getting back more than we thought. Praise God for providing.

As Eliana grows, we grow too. Not just as parents, but as children of God, learning to trust in His care and provision. I'm excited to see what the future holds!

Two Months In

Motherhood has treated me well, thus far. While I haven't lost all the weight I gained, I can't complain. Eliana is an amazing baby, she's not fussy, is unaffected by what I eat, sleeps well, and if I may be so bold-the most beautiful little girl! She still spends most of her time sleeping, but during her time awake, she's become more interactive. About 3 weeks ago she started "talking." We love hearing her voice as she coos, goo-goo's and ga-ga's (I didn't realize babies actually make those noises.). She smiles and looks at me with those big eyes that melt my heart. There's debate about her hair color, we think it's red, but we'll have to wait until she gets more.

Eliana had her 2 month appointment two days ago. She's a healthy 12.3 pound, 22 3/4 inch baby, up from 9 1/2 at her one month appointment. I wasn't prepared for her first round of vaccinations, but we pulled through alright; :) Eliana slept most of the day (I guess she needed to recover).

I love being able to be at home with my little girl and am enjoying every moment. Jeremy and I are so blessed! I thank God every day for her.

Eliana's Birth

It’s been almost eight weeks and about time I wrote Eliana’s birth story before the details get fuzzy.

Midway through my third trimester my doctor informed me he did optional inductions at 39 weeks. At that point I thought, “no way,” I want our baby to come when she’s ready. I’d read about pitocin and thought the cons outweighed the pros. Plus I wanted to give birth epidural free and I’d heard pitocin makes contractions worse.

As we neared our due date, Jeremy got a new position at his job with the training starting the week after the baby’s due date. This news, although great, threw a wrench in my plans to wait for Eliana to come on her own. With my mom living far away, there was no one else who could be there to help me out the first couple weeks. Jeremy’s job allows paternity leave, up to 3 months (unpaid) and we had already decided he would take two weeks off before he got the new job.

We asked for advice from friends and family and got opinions from both sides, but after talking to a friend who had an optional induction with the same doctor I decided it was worth talking to my doctor about.

At my 38 week apppointment I asked what the procedure would be like. He told me he places a foley catheter balloon, filled with saline salution, in the cervix to begin dialation. Gravity pulls on the balloon putting pressure on the cervix like the baby would. The balloon would be put in the day before the induction. After having it placed we would await a call from the hospital, where they would hook me up to pitocin. Dr. Newman told me pitocin gets a bad reputation; it basically makes things rough if a woman is not dialated, which is why he does the balloon. He said labor hurts no matter what. :) I decided to go ahead and have him schedule my induction for the following week. I really wanted to have Jeremy around the first couple weeks.

November 2 at 10:20 am I went to my doctor’s office to have him put in the balloon. Jeremy started his leave that day, I’m so thankful he was there. I have to say, having that balloon put in was probably the worst part of the whole induction/birth process. My cervix wasn’t dialated at all, so basically the doctor was forcing it open. I had never felt pain like that before. I almost vomited it was so bad. Jeremy was sitting next to me, holding my hand. He said he’d never seen me sweat so much; like all the pores on my face opened up. It almost got to the point where I called it off. I can’t even describe the discomfort. While I’m glad we induced early, I won’t ever do it again, unless its medically necessary. The nurse told me I would probably have some cramping and some bleeding; I had both. The cramping wasn’t bad, minor compared to the bad menstrual cramps I get. We went home to wait the call from the hospital. We were told it would be sometime around midnight.

I went to bed early, knowing it would probably be a while before I’d sleep again. at 1:45 am the hospital called saying they were ready for me to come in for my induction. Yippee! I started getting dressed ready and Jeremy busted out the video camera to begin chronicaling Eliana’s birth. We left the house at about 2:30 and got to the hospital around 3:00 am. We were shown to an office where we filled out paper work and told an estimate of what our cost would be after insurance was billed.

We were then shown to a tiny room in triage where a nurse checked to see if I had dilated yet. I was at 4 cm! I was pretty excited, in the back of my head I was worried the balloon hadn’t worked and I was in for a rough time. She hooked me up to a monitor to track my contractions and heart rate. She asked if I was feeling the contractions; surprised I said “no.” The nurse placed an IV and got the pitocin and anti-biotics (because I was Strep B positive) running through my system. We were only in that room for about 30 minutes and then escorted to the room where we would be giving birth.

The room was huge! We knew there’d be a TV and DVD player so we brough “Pride and Prejudice;” the long one. :) Once we were settled we popped in the movie and settled back for the wait.

At 8:00 am another nurse came in and checked to see if I’d dialted anymore. I was at 5 cm. She said she would let my doctor know and he’d probably be in soon to break my water. Having your water broken is the weirdest sensation. After that my contractions got a little more painful. I still hadn’t had an epidural. Everytime my nurse came to check on me she asked if I wanted one. “No,” I responded. The contractions didn’t hurt too bad. I’d had period cramps much worse than the contractions. The contractins were, however, painful enough to keep me from sleeping. I’m so glad I had the Bennet girls and Mr. Darcy to keep me company during the long hours.

Jeremy was great! He reminded me to breath and massaged my back during the contractions. All was well. A little before noon the nurse came to check my cerivix. I was still at 5 cm, so she upped the pitocin in my IV. The contractions started getting harder. I was fine for a while, but soon lost my focus. I was tired and before long in tears. I called the nurse on the phone and asked if I could have my epidural.

Once I decided to have it, the wait was almost unbearable. But it wasn’t long until the anesthesiologist came in and started prepping. He told me to hold still and was surprised at how well I did. Can I just say epidurals are amazing! I felt my body relax and I was finally able to get some rest.

At about 3:00 pm the nurse came in to check me again. I was at 10 cm! She asked if I felt the need to push and I said I did feel something. My epidural was wearing off so I could feel a bit of pressure. She said she would come back in 30 minutes to check on me. I sent Jeremy out to the car to get our phone charger, I was about out of batteries and I wanted to make sure I could call and send pictures as soon as the baby was born. As soon as he left I began to think it was a mistake for him to go. The urge to push got stronger. I didn’t call the nurse. I wouldn’t. Not until Jeremy got back. Man, did it take him forever to get back! As soon as he did I told him I needed to push. We called the nurse. She got me ready to do a few practice pushes. Jeremy was on one side and the nurse on the other. The nurse watched the monitor and let me know when to push. Not that I needed her to. The epidural had worn off enough that I could feel the contractions. My body knew when to push. I only needed a few practices pushes before the nurse told me to stop. WHAT! Oh man, waiting for the doctor to get there was worse than the contractions. It took forever! Probably only 5 to 10 minutes, but it felt like hours. Jeremy’s hand got squeezed to death, it was all I could do not to push when those contractions came. The room began to fill with all sorts of people. I was asked if a Med student could come in to observe. I said it was fine. The doctor arrived and sure took his time getting prepped. Finally he was ready. It was such a relief to be able to push. It only took a few, about 30 minutes of pushing before out came our precious little girl. She hardly cried. She was pefect. Eliana was born at 3:48 in the afternoon, 7lb 15 oz. It was such an emotional moment. I was exhausted, but my sweet girl was finally here.

Everything went as well as it could have. I wouldn’t have done things differently. It was so nice to have my husband with me for two weeks as we got adjusted to being a family of three. Eliana is Hebrew for "God has answered," and He has!

Bumpaholic? Not me.

I’ve decided I’m not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I have a friend who recently confessed she wished she could be pregnant for 2 years, she loves it so much. Another lady in church said she wished she could just be pregnant again, not have a baby, she loved feeling pregnant. I read an article months ago (before I was pregnant) about bumpaholics and figured I would be one, since I wanted a baby so bad and we’d been trying for so long. Nope. Didn't happen. It's not that I've had an awful pregnancy; it's been pretty mild compared to some. I had nausea for about 5 weeks of my first trimester, only puked a few times. I don’t have raging hormones, nor do I feel super fantastic. I just feel…normal. Don’t misunderstand, I’m so thankful we are having our little miracle and I love feeling our baby girl move, I just don’t have that “high” or feeling of empowerment I’d read so much about before I got pregnant. I feel guilty. Shouldn’t I feel something extra special, especially since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant?

The last few weeks I’ve had a nagging worry, my nails are torn to the quick to prove it. What if I don’t feel that bond a new mother feels when her child is first placed in her arms? I thought I would feel that bond already, while carrying my child, but I don’t. I feel detached, without much desire to talk or sing to my baby. People ask if I spend time talking or reading to her and I never know what to say. I don’t want to respond “no,” they might think I’m a heartless mother. Is this normal? Did you feel this when you were pregnant? I had all these expectations of what it would feel like to be pregnant and I don’t feel any different.

I am excited, however, about meeting our daughter, amidst the worry.

Oh, What’s In a Name?

I’ve seriously been reconsidering naming our baby Rosetta. I’ve been set on the name ever since I saw it on my great grandmother’s head stone (a little creepy maybe?). What a pretty and unique name. It’s perfect, except… “What are you naming your daughter?” “Rosetta.” “Oh, like Rosetta Stone” (said with a twinkle in their eye.). Sigh. “No, like my great grandmother’s name,” I respond, silently thinking (for the 100th time.) I know it’s not a big deal. Rosetta Stone doesn’t have bad connotations; people think they’re being clever. But after hearing it dozens of times, it gets pretty old. Honestly, it makes me kind of mad. It’s not their fault they associate the name with a language learning company. I think it distresses me because my whole life people have confused my name with “Christina.” There’s nothing wrong with the name “Christina,” it’s just not my name. I don’t want my daughter growing up feeling upset when people joke about her name or resentful about our choice of her given name, even though it’s such a pretty name. (FYI, I love my name, I'm not resentful of it, I'm just driven mad when people insist on reading "Christiana" as "Christina".) My inclination is to switch it to her middle name, since it is a family name. I suppose this is why people don’t tell people what they are naming their unborn child, in case they change their mind. What I had picked out for a middle name (I say “I” because Jeremy’s hasn’t given his approval yet) we could switch to her first name. It has more spiritual significance and it’s still unique. I shouldn’t tell you what it is, in case I change my mind. Oh well, who cares. Eliana. I found it while searching for Biblical names online. Eliana is Hebrew for “God has responded/answered.” Given our difficulties conceiving, there couldn’t be a more appropriate name. We prayed for a child, many others prayed for us. Although we did do IVF, I firmly believe prayers were what made the first IVF cycle a success. Our child will be dedicated to God, why not honor Him with her name as well. Jeremy is pretty easy going, so I think if I make up my mind to change her name to Eliana he’ll probably agree.

Growing!

(The above picture is profile of Rosetta at 18 weeks)

I just looked at my last post and realized it’s been a month and a half since an update! So much has happened. We’ve had two OB visits, everything is fine. My doctor has commented on my weight gain, but not negatively, just that I’m gaining. He says I’m boring, because everything is going like it should. Needless to say, I’m glad I’m a boring patient. I am now 22 weeks and 2 days, so over half way! I can’t believe how fast, and yet how slow, it’s going. I wrote last time about feeling Rosetta move; the movements have been getting stronger and sometimes a bit painful. She’ll occasionally hit my bladder and that brings a sharp pain. Jeremy had been anticipating when he would feel the baby move and at week 21 he felt her move. I spent the evening asking, “There, did you feel her?” to which he responded, “no.” I was disappointed for him and kept saying little prayers that Rosetta would kick hard enough for him to feel. A little while later I felt her kick as well as saw my stomach move; I called Jeremy over and placed his had on the spot. Sure enough, he felt her move! I love the little bahbloops. I can tell she has a sleeping pattern going on. There are certain times of the day where she is active and other times I feel nothing.

My weekly e-mail updates from The Bump state that during this month of pregnancy, which I think is 6th month; our baby is about the size of a papaya and weighing in around a pound. She’s growing and so am I. I was so proud of myself on my weight gain, at week 20 I had gained 13 pounds which seemed good at the half way point. Then I weighed myself this week and I had gained 4 pounds in one week! Yikes! We ate out a lot which could account for some of it. Mom thinks it might be water weight from eating out and getting extra sodium. I’m being extra careful this week, lots of fruit, low fat dairy and lean meat.

I haven’t had any strange cravings, and thankfully none for chocolate or sweets. My gag reflex is still very sensitive and this week for some reason I’ve had some nausea again. It feels different than before; it will come on suddenly and then be gone a few moments later. On the whole though, I feel really good. When my back aches or my heartburn acts up I remind myself how blessed I am and that its worth it!

The Pregnancy Catastrophe!

My pregnancy catastrophe; I am calling it the sneeze n’ pee. I didn’t think these sort of things happened until later, but I guess I was wrong. Who thought that once you were pregnant you would have to be stocked up on panty-liners. I think I will start carrying a little emergency pack in my purse.

Tuesday marked 16 weeks and I’m pretty sure I felt some movement. I know it wasn’t gas or a muscle twitch; although it didn’t feel like I’ve heard it described, fluttering. I can only describe it as a bahbloop feeling, kind of like a frog jumping off the inside of my stomach. I was lying on the couch, praying that God would relieve my terrible headache and there it was; the bahbloop. I texted Jeremy right away, I was so excited! Jeremy now calls Rosetta his little bahbloop, how cute!

I’ve read that the best position to sleep is on your side, especially the left side (it helps blood flow). No problem! I’ve been a side sleeper for a long time; that is, until recently. Sleeping on your back can restrict blood flow throughout your body and blood getting to the baby, so it’s important to avoid lying on your back. I’ve never been a back sleeper; it’s always been uncomfortable, causing my tongue to fall back in my throat and me to snore. Guess who now thinks back sleeping is the most comfortable position. You guessed it. Me. It’s like how that piece of candy you’re not supposed to have looks so delicious. Because I’m not supposed to sleep on my back, it’s the most appealing position for nighttime snoozing. I’m going to get a body pillow. Rumor has it a body pillow makes sleeping on your side much more comfortable.

Rosetta is now the size of an avocado! An avocado! She’s getting big. My belly is definitely sticking out more (thank you cousin Stephanie for loaning me your maternity clothes) and I’ve been “faithfully” gaining about a pound a week. This is getting more and more exciting. I’m glad I’m showing a bit now. We are meeting up with my parents and sister, and her husband, for vacation in June and it’ll be fun to have a little belly. Sometimes I just feel fat, but Jeremy is consistent in telling me I look beautiful. He loves to give me a hug and say he’s giving his two best girls a hug. Who ever thought Jeremy could be such a softie! I can’t wait to see what he’s like once Rosetta is here.

Our next OB appointment is June 5. At that point I think I will be scheduling my 18-20 week ultra sound. I’m looking forward to seeing how much Rosetta has grown and changed. I’ve read about all the changes she’s going through, beginning to make facial expressions, growing hair and nails, her bones are hardening too. It’s amazing how quickly she’s grown from a tiny 6 cell embryo.