I’ve decided I’m not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I have a friend who recently confessed she wished she could be pregnant for 2 years, she loves it so much. Another lady in church said she wished she could just be pregnant again, not have a baby, she loved feeling pregnant. I read an article months ago (before I was pregnant) about bumpaholics and figured I would be one, since I wanted a baby so bad and we’d been trying for so long. Nope. Didn't happen. It's not that I've had an awful pregnancy; it's been pretty mild compared to some. I had nausea for about 5 weeks of my first trimester, only puked a few times. I don’t have raging hormones, nor do I feel super fantastic. I just feel…normal. Don’t misunderstand, I’m so thankful we are having our little miracle and I love feeling our baby girl move, I just don’t have that “high” or feeling of empowerment I’d read so much about before I got pregnant. I feel guilty. Shouldn’t I feel something extra special, especially since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant?
The last few weeks I’ve had a nagging worry, my nails are torn to the quick to prove it. What if I don’t feel that bond a new mother feels when her child is first placed in her arms? I thought I would feel that bond already, while carrying my child, but I don’t. I feel detached, without much desire to talk or sing to my baby. People ask if I spend time talking or reading to her and I never know what to say. I don’t want to respond “no,” they might think I’m a heartless mother. Is this normal? Did you feel this when you were pregnant? I had all these expectations of what it would feel like to be pregnant and I don’t feel any different.
I am excited, however, about meeting our daughter, amidst the worry.
