I’ve decided I’m not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I have a friend who recently confessed she wished she could be pregnant for 2 years, she loves it so much. Another lady in church said she wished she could just be pregnant again, not have a baby, she loved feeling pregnant. I read an article months ago (before I was pregnant) about bumpaholics and figured I would be one, since I wanted a baby so bad and we’d been trying for so long. Nope. Didn't happen. It's not that I've had an awful pregnancy; it's been pretty mild compared to some. I had nausea for about 5 weeks of my first trimester, only puked a few times. I don’t have raging hormones, nor do I feel super fantastic. I just feel…normal. Don’t misunderstand, I’m so thankful we are having our little miracle and I love feeling our baby girl move, I just don’t have that “high” or feeling of empowerment I’d read so much about before I got pregnant. I feel guilty. Shouldn’t I feel something extra special, especially since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant?
The last few weeks I’ve had a nagging worry, my nails are torn to the quick to prove it. What if I don’t feel that bond a new mother feels when her child is first placed in her arms? I thought I would feel that bond already, while carrying my child, but I don’t. I feel detached, without much desire to talk or sing to my baby. People ask if I spend time talking or reading to her and I never know what to say. I don’t want to respond “no,” they might think I’m a heartless mother. Is this normal? Did you feel this when you were pregnant? I had all these expectations of what it would feel like to be pregnant and I don’t feel any different.
I am excited, however, about meeting our daughter, amidst the worry.
Christy I didn't do any of those things either.. I never read to Erick in utero or anything at all.. It felt too weird talking toa belly.. once the actual baby arrive it was more natural to "talk" to the baby and do all that fun stuff... don;t feel guilty at all.. that doesn't say a thing of what kind of mom you are or will be.. you know? my husband didn't feel anything at all till Erick arrived.. its only normal. doesn't mean we didn't love Erick.. it was just surreal until he was born :) my best wishes and prayers are for you!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are just a realist Chirstiana. Looking back on my pregnancies I can't say that I remember reading or talking to the "bump". I had STUFF to do! I had to eat right, exercise, get things ready for the babe and WORK! My mind was more filled with wonderment on the miracle growing inside me and wondering why I didn't/couldn't KNOW that little person.....I mean, he/she was INSIDE ME!
ReplyDeleteWhen Rosetta makes her appearance and you see her and hold her and not stop looking at every expression, she will steal your heart and your love will grow stronger than you could every imagine.
I did not do any reading/talking to the bump for either pregnancy. In fact the second one was unexpected and I felt detached most of the time because I was too busy runing after Mayli who was 6 months - 14.5 months the whole time. Mayli crawled by 6 months and walked by 9 months so I really was chasing her around. Clint did not bond with either girl until they were born. Then Emersyn had colic and is a total Mommy's girl and I think he is still trying to bond with her. So all this to say it was completely natural to feel like that. I loved being pregnant most of the time becuase I was never sick or anything at all, but I had horrible newborns. Never slept AT ALL!!! Cried all the time, both Dairy/Soy Allergic for at least the 1st year. So Nursing became impossible...must say I LOVE bottles now and I never thought I would. Then just as Mayli is learning to sleep through the night Emersyn is born with the allergy (which takes about a month or two to go away with special formula or strict diet), Reflux, AND COLIC!!! I do not wish COLIC on anyone!!! It was a horrible first 4 months! Everytime she was awake she was screaming. Now that she is almost 6 months old she is blossoming into a beautiful baby girl who is still serious and much crankier that Mayli ever was, but does know how to laugh and smile. Parenting sure is a wild ride, but I LOVE it!
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