If I were to start investing in specific stocks, my first choice would be Sprite Zero. I like it anyway, but with an unsettled stomach it helps me through the day, enabling me to eat. The mere thought of food causes my stomach to churn. Most things are repulsive, but the last few days I’ve feasted on Goldfish crackers. Today, however the idea of eating those crackers makes me feel ill. Cream cheese has been the only appealing thing this morning but I guess it’s not really a food; and definitely not healthy. Bummer.
I had a scare yesterday. After using the restroom I noticed I was bleeding. You can imagine the panic that welled up inside at the sight of red. I called my doctor, talked to the nurse who attempted to reassure me that it’s common for women taking the medicine I am to bleed. She talked to the doctor and he wasn’t too worried. Because I’m only 6 weeks pregnant, it would be too early to see a heart beat during an ultra sound. I contacted a few close friends and my mom, requesting prayer. God’s come through, as He always does. I haven’t seen any fresh blood today, but more importantly God has eased my anxiety. We have our appointment next Friday for the ultra sound, so until then we will continue to pray and trust that God is in control.
You may not believe it, but I already feel like my pants are not fitting as well as they did. While I haven’t gained any weight, I feel “bloated” and jeans are just not comfy anymore. As soon as I get home from work I change into my lounge/pj pants. :) I am pretty excited about purchasing new clothes, even if they are maternity.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
"Be patient, be patient, don't be in such a hurry..."
"Be patient, be patient, don't be in such a hurry. When you get impatient you always start to worry." Do you know that song? I think it was off the record of "Bullfrogs and Butterflies." It's my new theme song for the next few months. :D
Up until today it’s been an uneventful pregnancy. I haven’t felt any different. Oh, maybe a bit of dizziness here, or a few cramps; but not like I expected. Today, one day shy of week 6, I started to feel yucky. Nothing major, yet. It did take some effort to make myself lunch and I haven’t been snacking like I usually do; but I haven’t had to make any special trips to the restroom and for that I’m thankful.
Just like I determined not to be bridezilla during wedding planning, I’m committed to reminding myself that I am not eating for two. It’s a misconception a lot of women have when they are pregnant that they are eating for two and end up gaining too much weight (you’re eating for two when you’re breastfeeding). It’s a great reason to justify extra food, and I love food, but I won’t do it. Well, I guess we’ll see. Haha! I did research on the healthy amount of weight gain during pregnancy (about 3 pounds the first trimester), weighed myself last week and again this week and so far haven’t gained anything. Yay! I try to snack healthy; fruits, veggies, good proteins and not a lot of sweets. Pregnancy brings with it cravings for a lot of women, I hope mine isn’t chocolate.
I had thought the waiting was over after finding out we were pregnant. Alas, life brings with it a lot of waiting. Good things come to those who wait right. ;) I had to wait until 3:00 PM today to get the results of my second blood test. I wasn’t as anxious as last week; but little bits of doubt found their way into my mind. What if my hormone level hasn’t increased like it should? No need to worry. Kori (IVF coordinator) called and told me they look for the HCG level to be at least 1,000, mine was (as of last Friday) 6,798! I was shocked. I asked if because of the high number we were having twins. Kori wouldn’t give me a definitive answer; “It’s a possibility, but a lot can happen between now and when you have your ultra sound.” So the waiting continues. :) Our ultra sound is on the 26 of this month. And you know, once we see tiny 8 week old baby CJ (until we know if we’re having a girl or boy we’re calling the baby CJ, or if there’s two I guess it’ll be Baby C and Baby J), we’ll be counting down the days until the first trimester is over. Then, we’ll be waiting to find what gender we’re having. I want to enjoy the ride, so I’m taking Paul’s advice and learning to be content no matter the circumstances (or how much waiting I have to do). :)
Up until today it’s been an uneventful pregnancy. I haven’t felt any different. Oh, maybe a bit of dizziness here, or a few cramps; but not like I expected. Today, one day shy of week 6, I started to feel yucky. Nothing major, yet. It did take some effort to make myself lunch and I haven’t been snacking like I usually do; but I haven’t had to make any special trips to the restroom and for that I’m thankful.
Just like I determined not to be bridezilla during wedding planning, I’m committed to reminding myself that I am not eating for two. It’s a misconception a lot of women have when they are pregnant that they are eating for two and end up gaining too much weight (you’re eating for two when you’re breastfeeding). It’s a great reason to justify extra food, and I love food, but I won’t do it. Well, I guess we’ll see. Haha! I did research on the healthy amount of weight gain during pregnancy (about 3 pounds the first trimester), weighed myself last week and again this week and so far haven’t gained anything. Yay! I try to snack healthy; fruits, veggies, good proteins and not a lot of sweets. Pregnancy brings with it cravings for a lot of women, I hope mine isn’t chocolate.
I had thought the waiting was over after finding out we were pregnant. Alas, life brings with it a lot of waiting. Good things come to those who wait right. ;) I had to wait until 3:00 PM today to get the results of my second blood test. I wasn’t as anxious as last week; but little bits of doubt found their way into my mind. What if my hormone level hasn’t increased like it should? No need to worry. Kori (IVF coordinator) called and told me they look for the HCG level to be at least 1,000, mine was (as of last Friday) 6,798! I was shocked. I asked if because of the high number we were having twins. Kori wouldn’t give me a definitive answer; “It’s a possibility, but a lot can happen between now and when you have your ultra sound.” So the waiting continues. :) Our ultra sound is on the 26 of this month. And you know, once we see tiny 8 week old baby CJ (until we know if we’re having a girl or boy we’re calling the baby CJ, or if there’s two I guess it’ll be Baby C and Baby J), we’ll be counting down the days until the first trimester is over. Then, we’ll be waiting to find what gender we’re having. I want to enjoy the ride, so I’m taking Paul’s advice and learning to be content no matter the circumstances (or how much waiting I have to do). :)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Worth the Buck
Yesterday: “Jeremy, please ease off the breaks more gently (in traffic), it’s making me sick.” Hmmm, maybe it’s a sign? “Man, I feel really dizzy.” Could it be? Jeremy came to bed around 1:30 am; it woke me up. He tossed and turned a bit to get comfortable. Let me just say, every time he moved I felt so sick. He’s settle in and I’d start to feel better, and then he’d move again. I was sure I would throw up any second. “Come on Jeremy, stop moving!” It was the first time in my life I had an inkling of happiness over feeling sick to my stomach (my greatest fear is throwing up.)
You know that sick feeling you get when you’re really nervous before a test, or when you wake up early after not getting enough sleep? That’s what I’ve been feeling all day; waiting for the fateful call. I could hardly eat or focus on anything. I asked Jeremy if he was nervous, but he said he just wasn’t thinking about it. What?! How could he just not think about it? That’s ALL I could think about. The nurse asked who they should call with the results and I said Jeremy. I was still determined to not get the results until after I got off work at 4:30pm. She told me the results would be in at 1:30pm and I figured it wouldn’t be such a long wait, from 1:30 to 4:30. Ha! How wrong I was. As 1:00 pm hit I was looking at the clock every 2 minutes. I texted Jeremy “Did they call yet?” “No, not yet.” I was in conversation with a co worker when I felt my phone vibrate at about 1:30pm. Oh my, I knew it was Jeremy. Did I want to know then? After no response from me he called and asked if I wanted to know the results. My response “Do I want to know?” He laughed; I knew that was a good sign so I said I did. For those whose phone numbers I don’t have (for the mass text I sent out) here are the results of our blood test today. (Like how I made you wait until the end of the paragraph? I’m sure you figured it out by now.) The test came back positive! My HCG level was at 226. The IVF coordinator told Jeremy they like to see it at 100, so my number was great! It sill wasn’t high enough for them to know for sure if we’re having twins; so we will have to wait until we go in for the ultra sound in a couple weeks. We are elated! I can’t wait to get home to celebrate!
I do have a confession; I took a home pregnancy test Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. Peer pressure won over (you know who you are) and I went to the Dollar Tree to pick up a couple cheap tests (I didn’t want to spend $15 only to get a negative). Jeremy urged me to take one Tuesday night, even though I told him it would probably be negative (it’s best to take the HPT in the morning). I didn’t pay attention, but as he watched, “I think there’s a little something trying to come through.” “Whatever Jeremy, it’s probably just an evaporation line.” I looked. Nope, it was definitely a pink line. Well, it’s just a cheap test, could be a false positive. I took the second one Wednesday morning and there they were again, those two little pink lines, this time darker. Could this be it! I’d never seen those two lines side by side before. We decided we wouldn’t get our hopes up until the official blood test today. We did tell our parents, however, both sets were skeptical and refused to get too excited until we got the official results (We told our siblings too). I Guess HPT’s from the Dollar Tree are worth the buck!
The most important thing is we want to give all the glory to God for this miracle! He has gifted doctors so they could help us. I am sure without all of your prayers this wouldn't be happening. We have felt so loved and supported. I had few side effects from the meds and I'm certain the prayers helped.
I would like to continue this blog to record our journey through pregnancy. So if you'd like to, we'd love you to stick around. :)
You know that sick feeling you get when you’re really nervous before a test, or when you wake up early after not getting enough sleep? That’s what I’ve been feeling all day; waiting for the fateful call. I could hardly eat or focus on anything. I asked Jeremy if he was nervous, but he said he just wasn’t thinking about it. What?! How could he just not think about it? That’s ALL I could think about. The nurse asked who they should call with the results and I said Jeremy. I was still determined to not get the results until after I got off work at 4:30pm. She told me the results would be in at 1:30pm and I figured it wouldn’t be such a long wait, from 1:30 to 4:30. Ha! How wrong I was. As 1:00 pm hit I was looking at the clock every 2 minutes. I texted Jeremy “Did they call yet?” “No, not yet.” I was in conversation with a co worker when I felt my phone vibrate at about 1:30pm. Oh my, I knew it was Jeremy. Did I want to know then? After no response from me he called and asked if I wanted to know the results. My response “Do I want to know?” He laughed; I knew that was a good sign so I said I did. For those whose phone numbers I don’t have (for the mass text I sent out) here are the results of our blood test today. (Like how I made you wait until the end of the paragraph? I’m sure you figured it out by now.) The test came back positive! My HCG level was at 226. The IVF coordinator told Jeremy they like to see it at 100, so my number was great! It sill wasn’t high enough for them to know for sure if we’re having twins; so we will have to wait until we go in for the ultra sound in a couple weeks. We are elated! I can’t wait to get home to celebrate!
I do have a confession; I took a home pregnancy test Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. Peer pressure won over (you know who you are) and I went to the Dollar Tree to pick up a couple cheap tests (I didn’t want to spend $15 only to get a negative). Jeremy urged me to take one Tuesday night, even though I told him it would probably be negative (it’s best to take the HPT in the morning). I didn’t pay attention, but as he watched, “I think there’s a little something trying to come through.” “Whatever Jeremy, it’s probably just an evaporation line.” I looked. Nope, it was definitely a pink line. Well, it’s just a cheap test, could be a false positive. I took the second one Wednesday morning and there they were again, those two little pink lines, this time darker. Could this be it! I’d never seen those two lines side by side before. We decided we wouldn’t get our hopes up until the official blood test today. We did tell our parents, however, both sets were skeptical and refused to get too excited until we got the official results (We told our siblings too). I Guess HPT’s from the Dollar Tree are worth the buck!
The most important thing is we want to give all the glory to God for this miracle! He has gifted doctors so they could help us. I am sure without all of your prayers this wouldn't be happening. We have felt so loved and supported. I had few side effects from the meds and I'm certain the prayers helped.
I would like to continue this blog to record our journey through pregnancy. So if you'd like to, we'd love you to stick around. :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Death of a Bumble Bee
Yep, progesterone definitely makes me more emotional. I got teary eyed over a struggling bumble bee. He was lying on his back, his little legs barely moving, I turned him over, but I’m sure he was in his last minutes of life. I cried over the story, during the Olympics, about the sled dog that was blind, but still loved to run. Against advice her owners didn’t put her down and she still runs with the other sled dogs. I really cried when I served my husband left-over’s for dinner; even though it was spaghetti, with meat balls, which he loves and said he wanted for dinner. It seems anything can set me off; recovery, however, is quick.
My mother asked me a question about the hormone I’m injecting, progesterone. How will they be able to tell if I’m really pregnant when I have this pregnancy hormone pumping through my system? I hadn’t really thought about it; surely the test would come out positive no matter what with the artificial input of the hormone. In case any of you were wondering the same thing, here’s what I found out. My good friend, Ruth, who is on a similar path, clarified it for me. When they draw the blood, they don’t look for the progesterone hormone; they look for HCG, another pregnancy hormone. I don’t know how they tell the difference; but they can. Question answered mom!
It’s a struggle already for me to give some things up; mostly control. I am not supposed to lift anything very heavy. I shouldn’t have been doing it before this, but if I needed to I could. For those that saw my Facebook status yesterday; I went to the grocery store to purchase more dog food, the bigger bags are a better deal so naturally that’s what I chose. The lovely lady at the check out helped me lift the bag; then asked if I would like assistance to my car. Crucial moment, I knew I could lift it, but knew I shouldn’t. After a moment’s hesitation I conceded. The young guy was happy to help and it’s a good thing I was asked if I needed assistance, because I probably wouldn’t have asked for it. Of course I waited until Jeremy arrived home so he could remove it from the car.
Another thing given up, caffeine, which means chocolate. The percentage of miscarriages for women who consume caffeine is higher. Sacrifice for a good cause, but man do I miss chocolate. I crave it even more now that I shouldn’t eat it; brownies, yummy chocolaty Starbucks drinks, hot cocoa, Girl Scout cookies. I guess its good it’s the Lenten season, it’ll give me double motivation to avoid the smooth, rich taste of chocolate. Sigh…
One week from today we will find out if this first attempt worked. I’m determined to have the doctor’s office call Jeremy with the results, who will then tell me after I get off work. He doesn’t work next Thursday and I do. Whatever the news, I don’t want to be at work to receive it. If it’s positive, I want to share the news with family and close friends first; if negative I’m sure the rest of my day will dissolve in tears. We shall see if my resolve holds strong when Thursday rolls around.
My mother asked me a question about the hormone I’m injecting, progesterone. How will they be able to tell if I’m really pregnant when I have this pregnancy hormone pumping through my system? I hadn’t really thought about it; surely the test would come out positive no matter what with the artificial input of the hormone. In case any of you were wondering the same thing, here’s what I found out. My good friend, Ruth, who is on a similar path, clarified it for me. When they draw the blood, they don’t look for the progesterone hormone; they look for HCG, another pregnancy hormone. I don’t know how they tell the difference; but they can. Question answered mom!
It’s a struggle already for me to give some things up; mostly control. I am not supposed to lift anything very heavy. I shouldn’t have been doing it before this, but if I needed to I could. For those that saw my Facebook status yesterday; I went to the grocery store to purchase more dog food, the bigger bags are a better deal so naturally that’s what I chose. The lovely lady at the check out helped me lift the bag; then asked if I would like assistance to my car. Crucial moment, I knew I could lift it, but knew I shouldn’t. After a moment’s hesitation I conceded. The young guy was happy to help and it’s a good thing I was asked if I needed assistance, because I probably wouldn’t have asked for it. Of course I waited until Jeremy arrived home so he could remove it from the car.
Another thing given up, caffeine, which means chocolate. The percentage of miscarriages for women who consume caffeine is higher. Sacrifice for a good cause, but man do I miss chocolate. I crave it even more now that I shouldn’t eat it; brownies, yummy chocolaty Starbucks drinks, hot cocoa, Girl Scout cookies. I guess its good it’s the Lenten season, it’ll give me double motivation to avoid the smooth, rich taste of chocolate. Sigh…
One week from today we will find out if this first attempt worked. I’m determined to have the doctor’s office call Jeremy with the results, who will then tell me after I get off work. He doesn’t work next Thursday and I do. Whatever the news, I don’t want to be at work to receive it. If it’s positive, I want to share the news with family and close friends first; if negative I’m sure the rest of my day will dissolve in tears. We shall see if my resolve holds strong when Thursday rolls around.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
And Then There Were Two
Somewhat disappointing news today, of our 8 embryos, only 2 made it to the blastocyst stage. The other 6 stopped dividing. My heart broke a little, thinking of the little Kirkhams that will never be. However, I had been praying that God would be in control of the whole situation; we were a bit worried when we had 10 embryos. God gave me a peace about that; I know He's got it all worked out. That being said, we are especially hoping that both these embryos implant for twins. :)
I barely made it through my 3 days of bed rest. It was almost more than I could stand to sit back and let Jeremy be in charge. :) He did a great job keeping me off my feet, and getting me anything I needed. I'm so blessed to have him. He even took off half a day on Monday, because he was worried I would try to do too much. (I felt fine so I probably would have, the dishes were piling up.)
The progesterone meds I've been taking have been affecting me more than any of the other meds. For those that know me best, they may have picked up on the fact that I do not accept criticism very well (to say the least). Ask my mom, or better yet, any of my old piano teachers. I can get pretty spiteful. I got some constructive criticism today at work and it was almost more than I could handle. I wanted to cry out of frustration and quit right then. :) I kept my head (barely) and didn't quit. Last night I was in tears over one of the stories they were sharing about a possible Olympian. Oh well, it'll probably get worse.
Another day down; another day closer to March 4. It's going to be a long week!
I barely made it through my 3 days of bed rest. It was almost more than I could stand to sit back and let Jeremy be in charge. :) He did a great job keeping me off my feet, and getting me anything I needed. I'm so blessed to have him. He even took off half a day on Monday, because he was worried I would try to do too much. (I felt fine so I probably would have, the dishes were piling up.)
The progesterone meds I've been taking have been affecting me more than any of the other meds. For those that know me best, they may have picked up on the fact that I do not accept criticism very well (to say the least). Ask my mom, or better yet, any of my old piano teachers. I can get pretty spiteful. I got some constructive criticism today at work and it was almost more than I could handle. I wanted to cry out of frustration and quit right then. :) I kept my head (barely) and didn't quit. Last night I was in tears over one of the stories they were sharing about a possible Olympian. Oh well, it'll probably get worse.
Another day down; another day closer to March 4. It's going to be a long week!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
T-Day
Get it. T-Day: Transfer Day. Like D-Day! :)
I feel like we're at the end of a journey; although it's not so. This attempt might not work. If it does work then I go through the different stages of pregnancy, birthing pains and then once the baby arrives, raising a child. So really, it's just the beginning of the journey, or maybe the continuation from a small road, to a larger one.
I went into the doctor's office with a full bladder this morning, instructed to drink 30 oz of liquid an hour before I went in. The transfer goes more smoothly if your bladder is full. We sat in the waiting room for about 30 minutes and then were taken back to the doctor's office to go over some paper work, sign a few things, decide on how many embryos to transfer, and see pictures of our little embryos. What a neat thing to see those tiny embryos dividing. We have a few embryos that had 10 cells, some with 9 and 8 and a few with less. The doctor pointed out which were the best, because of how the cells were dividing. We even got to keep the pictures (which I will post).
We were then escorted to the procedure room, they did an ultra sound to make sure my bladder was full enough. My cervix was cleaned (a somewhat uncomfortable procedure, but no more so than a woman's yearly procedure.) After the cleaning, the nurse called on a walkie-talkie to have the two embryos brought in. They came in a long, skinny straw; I couldn't see what they did, but I didn't feel anything. We then got to see the embryos inside my uterus, on the ultra sound screen; it was pretty amazing. I was told to lay for another 10 minutes, still with a full bladder. A nurse came in a bit later, with a bed pan. I have to admit that was probably the worst and most uncomfortable thing I've had to go through; peeing in a bed pan. It was like having to get past a mind block to use something other than a toilet. :)
I had to continue laying down for another hour and then was wheeled out to our car. It's a nice rainy day, perfect for my bed ridden state. I am, however, allowed to get up to use the restroom and shower. I don't get to go to church though, or Jeremy's softball game. :(
I go in on March 4 for a blood test to find out if the embryo(s) implanted. Until then, I continue taking two different pills and daily progesterone shots.
The waiting begins. :)
Friday, February 19, 2010
Embryo Transfer Eve
House clean-check; groceries bought-check; dogs bathed-check; dishes washed-check; laundry clean and put away-in process. I spent my day getting done everything I needed to get done before tomorrow. We are going ahead with the embryo transfer tomorrow at 8:30 AM (MST); after it's all over I'm to be on bed rest for 3 days! I don't know what I'm going to do with all that time I need to be resting. Watch some Olympics, or maybe read a few good books.
I received the call from the doctor's office, informing us that we now have 10 embryos that are dividing instead of 9. Haha, and we thought the number would be lower. All our embryos are grade B (embryos are rated "A" best, to "D," worst), Here's the cell count in each embryo: 3 embryos at 2 cells, 2 embryos at 3 cells, 1 embryo at 4 cells and 4 embryos at 5 cells. These are all good. I'm supposing that the two embryos we transfer will be ones with more cells.
I'm not feeling as nervous about tomorrow as I felt about the egg retrieval. The retrieval was more invasive, tomorrow's procedure doesn't require anesthesia and Jeremy gets to be in there with me! Maybe I can get a few pictures of our embryos!
I received the call from the doctor's office, informing us that we now have 10 embryos that are dividing instead of 9. Haha, and we thought the number would be lower. All our embryos are grade B (embryos are rated "A" best, to "D," worst), Here's the cell count in each embryo: 3 embryos at 2 cells, 2 embryos at 3 cells, 1 embryo at 4 cells and 4 embryos at 5 cells. These are all good. I'm supposing that the two embryos we transfer will be ones with more cells.
I'm not feeling as nervous about tomorrow as I felt about the egg retrieval. The retrieval was more invasive, tomorrow's procedure doesn't require anesthesia and Jeremy gets to be in there with me! Maybe I can get a few pictures of our embryos!
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